While trying to secure a $1 million donation for his museum, a befuddled paleontologist is pursued by a flighty and often irritating heiress and her pet leopard "Baby."
Mrs. Random: Well who are you? David Huxley: I don't know. I'm not quite myself today. Mrs. Random: Well, you look perfectly idiotic in those clothes. David Huxley: These aren't *my* clothes. Mrs. Random: Well, where *are* your clothes? David Huxley: I've *lost* my clothes! Mrs. Random: But why are you wearing *these* clothes? David Huxley: Because I just went *GAY* all of a sudden! Mrs. Random: Now see here young man, stop this nonsense. What are you doing? David Huxley: I'm sitting in the middle of 42nd Street waiting for a bus.
David Huxley: You don't understand: this is *my* car! Susan Vance: You mean *this* is your car? *Your* golf ball? *Your* car? Is there anything in the world that doesn't belong to you? David Huxley: Yes, thank heaven, YOU!
David Huxley: Now it isn't that I don't like you, Susan, because, after all, in moments of quiet, I'm strangely drawn toward you, but - well, there haven't been any quiet moments.
[Susan is stealing David's car from the golf course] Susan Vance: Now, don't lose your temper. David Huxley: My dear young lady, I'm not losing my temper. I'm merely trying to play some golf! Susan Vance: Well you choose the funniest places; this is a *parking-lot*.
David Huxley: [Susan is collecting pebbles] Susan, what are you doing? Susan Vance: Pebbles. David Huxley: Pebbles? What for? Susan Vance: Well, I've heard that if you throw pebbles up against a window, the people think it's hail and then they come and close the windows. David Huxley: I, I, I - Oh! [Susan throws the pebbles and they loudly crash against Peabody's window] David Huxley: Oh, I know we ought to go now, but somehow I can't move.
Susan Vance: Now that's all perfectly clear, isn't it? Dr. Fritz Lehman: Yeah-No it *isn't* ! You see - she's going to give me an explanation... David Huxley: No no no and my dear sir, it never *will* be clear, as long as she's explaining it!
David Huxley: Alice I think this one must belong in the tail. [referring to a bone he is holding] Alice Swallow: Nonsense. You tried it in the tail yesterday, and it didn't fit.
David Huxley: But Susan, you can't climb in a man's bedroom window! Susan Vance: I know, it's on the second floor!
[reading letter about new leopard] Susan Vance: "He's three years old, gentle as a kitten, and likes dogs." I wonder whether Mark means that he eats dogs or is fond of them?
David Huxley: How can all these things happen to just one person?
David Huxley: The only way you'll ever get me to follow another of your suggestions is to hold a bright object in front of my eyes and twirl it.
Susan Vance: You mean you want *me* to go home? David Huxley: Yes. Susan Vance: You mean you don't want me to help you any more? David Huxley: No. Susan Vance: After all the fun we've had? David Huxley: Yes. Susan Vance: And after all the things I've done for you? David Huxley: That's what I mean.
Susan Vance: You've just had a bad day, that's all. David Huxley: That's a masterpiece of understatement.
[David discovers the leopard in Susan's bathroom] David Huxley: Susan, you have to get out of this apartment! Susan Vance: I can't, I have a lease.
Susan Vance: I won't leave you, David! I love you! David Huxley: What?
[last lines] Susan Vance: Oh, David, can you ever forgive me? David Huxley: I... I... I... Susan Vance: You can! And you still love me. David Huxley: Susan, that... that... Susan Vance: You do. Oh, David. David Huxley: Oh, dear. Oh, my.
[repeated line] David Huxley: I'll be with you in a minute, Mr. Peabody!
Susan Vance: Well, don't you worry, David, because if there's anything that I can do to help you, just let me know and I'll do it. David Huxley: Well, er - don't do it until I let you know.
[Susan is pretending to be a mobster] David Huxley: Constable, she's making all this up out of motion pictures she's seen! Susan Vance: Oh, I suppose I saw you with that red-headed skirt in a motion picture ? Constable Slocum: There you are doc - another woman. Susan Vance: Sure, I wouldn't be squealing if he hadn't give me the run-around with that other twist. Constable Slocum: Oh, so he's a lady killer. Susan Vance: A lady killer? Why he's a regular Don Swan. Loves the ladies, don't ya, honey? He bops them over, one, two, three - boom - just like that. [Pretends to open a cork and toss it away] Susan Vance: He's a wolf. David Huxley: [Claps his head] Oh, so now I'm a wolf! [Collapses on a cot]
[David and Susan have just discovered that Baby is missing] David Huxley: Now don't lose your head, Susan. Susan Vance: My what? David Huxley: Don't lose your head! Susan Vance: I've got my head, I've lost my leopard!
Susan Vance: There *is* a leopard on your roof and it's my leopard and I have to get it and to get it I have to sing.
David Huxley: When a man is wrestling a leopard in the middle of a pond, he's in no position to run.
Mr. Gogarty: [Gogarty, David, and Susan are in jail] Miss Susan! How'd you get here? David Huxley: Influence. Susan Vance: Don't worry, Gogarty, I'll get you out. David Huxley: Oh, sure. Look, she got me out.
[Limping after losing a heel from one shoe] Susan Vance: I was born on the side of a hill.
David Huxley: [on the phone] Yes, I did see Mr. Peabody, but I didn't see him. Well that is, I didn't see him really. Yes, I spoke to him twice, but I didn't talk to him. Alice Swallow: But David, I don't understand. Did you see him or didn't you ? David Huxley: Well - no I don't know - well how do I know ? well because - because - well there's someone at the door - you see there are some things that are very hard to explain, Alice.
Susan Vance: You're angry, aren't you? David Huxley: Yes, I am! Susan Vance: Mm-hmm. The love impulse in man frequently reveals itself in terms of conflict.
David Huxley: Susan, is there any way to cross this stream? Susan Vance: Oh, surely it's shallow. We can wade across. [they both walk into the stream, then fall in after the floor drops off] David Huxley: Oh, Susan... Susan Vance: The riverbed's changed!
[In jail] Susan Vance: Anyway, David, when they find out who we are they'll let us out. David Huxley: When they find out who *you* are they'll pad the cell.
Susan Vance: What would you say about a man who follows a girl around... Dr. Fritz Lehman: Follows her around... Susan Vance: ...And then when she talks to him, he fights with her? Dr. Fritz Lehman: Fights with her... is the young man your fiance?
David Huxley: So if you don't mind, Susan, I'll see Mr. Peabody alone, and unarmed. Susan Vance: Without me? David Huxley: Yes, without you, and *definitely* without you.
David Huxley: First you drop an olive, and then I sit on my hat. It all fits perfectly. Susan Vance: Oh, yes, but you can't do that trick without dropping some of the olives; it takes practice. David Huxley: What, to sit on my hat? Susan Vance: No, to drop an olive.
Dr. Fritz Lehman: Well, the love impulse in men very frequently reveals itself in terms of conflict. Susan Vance: [Excitedly] The love impulse! Dr. Fritz Lehman: Without my knowing anything about it, my rough guess would be, that he has a fixation on you, a fixation... Susan Vance: No no wait a minute, I can't remember any more than that!
David Huxley: My bone. It's rare. It's precious. What did you do with it? Susan Vance: The bone! David Huxley: Susan, you had it. Give it to me. Susan Vance: No, I haven't got it. David Huxley: Did you carry it somewhere? Susan Vance: No, David. Why would I carry a bone around? David Huxley: I wouldn't dare give a reason for anythting you do. Susan Vance: Well, I guess you'll have to find another one. David Huxley: It took three expeditions and five years to find that one! Susan Vance: David, now that they know where to find one, couldn't you send them back to get another one?
Alice Swallow: [to David] Well, there's nothing else I can say except that I'm glad that before I married you, you showed yourself in your true colors: You're just a butterfly.
Susan Vance: [Susan is pretending to be a gun moll who is turning on supposed mobster partner David Bone by exposing his supposed alias to Constable Slocum] You mean to say you don't remember 'Jerry the Nipper' ? David Huxley: Constable she's making all this up out of motion pictures she's seen! [Irene Dunne refers to Cary Grant as 'Jerry the Nipper' in 'The Awful Truth']
David Huxley: [David has just slipped on the olive Susan had dropped and he has fallen backward - sitting upon his hat] Well I might have known you were here. I had a feeling - just as I hit the floor. Susan Vance: That was your hat.
Susan Vance: [watching George the dog dig up what they think is David's dinosaur bone] Oh, look, David, a boot. David Huxley: [angrily] A boot. [picks it up and makes like he's going to swing with it] Susan Vance: Don't hit George, David. David Huxley: I wasn't going to hit *George*!
Alice Swallow: Oh David, what have you done? David Huxley: Just name anything, and I've done it.
David Huxley: [Pointing to a mark on the golf ball Susan just sank] There you see, it's a circle. Susan Vance: Well, of course it is, do you think it would roll if it were square?
Susan Vance: [Susan realizes that she has torn the back of her dress] Don't just stand there. Do something! Do something! Oh my goodness! Well, get behind me. David Huxley: I *am* behind you. Susan Vance: Well, get closer. David Huxley: I can't *get* any closer!
Mrs. Random: Who is this David? Susan Vance: He's a friend of Mark's. Mrs. Random: Is that all you know about him? Susan Vance: No, I know that I'm gonna marry him. He doesn't know it but I am. Mrs. Random: Now see here, if you're planning to marry him on my money you are very much mistaken. I don't want another lunatic in the family I have lunatics enough all ready. When are you going to marry him? What's his name? Susan Vance: It's uh Bone Mrs. Random: Bones ? Susan Vance: One Bone Mrs. Random: Well one bone or two bones it's a ridiculous name. Mrs. Random: What does he do? Susan Vance: He hunts Mrs. Random: Hunts? Hunts what? Susan Vance: Well - animals I should think.
Alice Swallow: Now once and for all, David, *nothing* must interfere with your work. Our marriage must entail no domestic entanglements of any kind. David Huxley: [Stammering nervously] You mean... you mean... Alice Swallow: [Firmly] I mean of *any* kind, David.
Mrs. Random: What are you doing? David Huxley: [exasperated and wearing Susan's negligee] I'm sitting in the middle of 42nd Street waiting for a bus!
Mrs. Random: [Mrs. Random finds David and Susan running out of the house] Susan Susan - come back here - come back here this minute! What are you doing? Susan Vance: Hunting for George. Mrs. Random: Why? Susan Vance: [In a rush] David wants him, David loves him, David thinks he's such a nice dog. Mrs. Random: George is a perfect little fiend and you know it! Susan Vance: But David doesn't.
Susan Vance: Oh, I'm caught on something - David, help me, will you? David Huxley: Oh, no. That's poison ivy. Susan Vance: I bet you wouldn't treat Miss Swallow this way. David Huxley: I bet Miss Swallow knows poison ivy when she sees it. Susan Vance: Yes, I bet poison ivy runs when it sees her.
Susan Vance: Now please listen to me - you certainly can't think that I did that intentionally! David Huxley: Well, if I *could* think, I'd have run when I saw you!
Susan Vance: [to David] You know why you're following me? You're a fixation.
David Huxley: [David is trying to prove to Susan that she's playing his ball] You see, a PGA has two black dots and a Cro-Flight has a circle. Susan Vance: Mm-hmm. I'm not superstitious about things like that.
Dr. Alexander Peabody: Dr. Huxley, when I play golf, I only talk golf - and then only between shots.
[first lines] Prof. LaTouche: Good morning, Miss Swallow. Alice Swallow: Shh. Prof. LaTouche: Why what's the matter ? Alice Swallow: Doctor Huxley is thinking.
David Huxley: A million dollars! Say, that's pretty white of Mr. Peabody, isn't it?